I have been seeing many posts on Facebook discussing relationships in what we should expect from a significant other. Many people have replied how they are not in the type of relationship that they are reading about but wanting or wish it had been.
Personal Relationship Value
One of the replies that caught my eye was from a woman stating how she “would have to repair her emotions” when her boyfriend would ignore her when she would try to tell him how she felt. She was feeling no emotionally from the person she felt should value her and her emotions.
This reminded me of my challenges in my marriage. By the time we had been married for fifteen years we had gone to counseling several times. By seventeen years our oldest son discovered that his dad has been hiding a private life on the computer for eight years. This was devastating but I was determined to be the one person in my family that didn't get a divorce. This was taking a toll on me emotionally and physically.
After three more years of counseling I was finally able to admit to myself things were not going to change. Due to his Asperger’s (under umbrella of Autism) and his unwillingness to change I knew I had to move on for my physical and emotional health.
We, as human beings, have a tendency to wait until the "lightbulb" goes off and we can admit to ourselves that we have had enough and want to make a change.
Work/Career Relationship Value
I had a similar experience in a couple of jobs. I was being treated in such a manner that I knew I was not valued and treated differently. I watched while others could do no wrong, not doing there job and joking with management, while I was working hard and was "called on the carpet" for work not being done by the others. I asked myself if I wanted to continue in a job that was causing undue stress, hurting me emotionally and I knew there were no opportunities for advancement.
Are We Ready to Make Changes?
Whether it was my marriage or my place of employment I knew what I needed first was to Value myself. Not just put my value into being a wife and mother or being the best employee I can be.
In my marriage I realized I had forgot about my personal value. This is not to say that being a mother was not very important, because of course it was or that I did not enjoy my work. It was a matter of finding value in myself and what I wanted for myself.
Changes I Made
In my marriage, I had asked myself if I met him today would I want to be married to him. Is he the type of person I would say I wanted in a relationship, the answer came to a resounding no.
In a career or job I knew I had to value myself before I could bring value to anything I did. I learned new skills and at the age of 42 I completed my BS in Psychology.
Are you Ready to Value YOU?
Whether it is a relationship or your employment you need to value you.
How would you go about making these changes?
Do you feel having the change would be for the better or worse?